A poem shared by Kathy Fenton Miller:
She Dreamed of Cows
by Norah Pollard
I knew a woman who washed her hair and bathed
her body and put on the nightgown she'd worn
as a bride and lay down with a .38 in her right hand.
Before she did the thing, she went over her life.
She started at the beginning and recalled everything—
all the shame, sorrow, regret and loss.
This took her a long time into the night
and a long time crying out in rage and grief and disbelief—
until sleep captured her and bore her down.
She dreamed of a green pasture and a green oak tree.
She dreamed of cows.
She dreamed she stood under the tree
and the brown and white cows came slowly
up from the pond and stood near her.
Some butted her gently and they licked her bare arms
with their great coarse drooling tongues.
Their eyes, wet as shining water, regarded her.
They came closer and began to press
their warm flanks against her,
and as they pressedan almost unendurable joy
came over her and lifted her
like a warm wind and she could fly.
She flew over the tree and she flew over the field
and she flew with the cows.
When the woman woke, she rose and went to the mirror.
She looked a long time at her living self.
Then she went down to the kitchen which the sun had made all
yellow, and she made tea. She drank it at the table, slowly,
all the while touching her arms where the cows had licked.
"She Dreamed of Cows" by Norah Pollard, from Death & Rapture in the Animal Kingdom. © Antrim House, 2009.
She Dreamed of Cows
by Norah Pollard
I knew a woman who washed her hair and bathed
her body and put on the nightgown she'd worn
as a bride and lay down with a .38 in her right hand.
Before she did the thing, she went over her life.
She started at the beginning and recalled everything—
all the shame, sorrow, regret and loss.
This took her a long time into the night
and a long time crying out in rage and grief and disbelief—
until sleep captured her and bore her down.
She dreamed of a green pasture and a green oak tree.
She dreamed of cows.
She dreamed she stood under the tree
and the brown and white cows came slowly
up from the pond and stood near her.
Some butted her gently and they licked her bare arms
with their great coarse drooling tongues.
Their eyes, wet as shining water, regarded her.
They came closer and began to press
their warm flanks against her,
and as they pressedan almost unendurable joy
came over her and lifted her
like a warm wind and she could fly.
She flew over the tree and she flew over the field
and she flew with the cows.
When the woman woke, she rose and went to the mirror.
She looked a long time at her living self.
Then she went down to the kitchen which the sun had made all
yellow, and she made tea. She drank it at the table, slowly,
all the while touching her arms where the cows had licked.
"She Dreamed of Cows" by Norah Pollard, from Death & Rapture in the Animal Kingdom. © Antrim House, 2009.
A quote shared by Nina Lanctot -- found after Kathy had sent her the poem above.
From On the Wings of a White Horse: A Cambodian Princess's Story of Surviving the Khmer Rouge Genocide by Oni Vitandham (Tate Publishing, Mustang, OK: 2005)
[This memory is from a child age seven who had been fleeing the Khmer Rouge for four years.]
I fell asleep on the warm hay, but was roused in the morning by a cow that was licking my cheek, face, and nose. It was lying next to me, and its warmth made me feel safe, not scared. Her body was hard, solid, and somehow very reassuring.
It is said that if a stange animal comes into a herd of cows, they will gore it with their horns and chase it away, but if another cow joins them, they will welcome it by licking it with their tongues. This cow was obviously prepared to accept me as part of its famly.
It is impossible to describe how much that mean to me at the time -- that someone, even a cow, would ofer me such affection, I stayed in the barn for several days while my feet healed, and I gathered my strength. I helped local villagers carry buckets of water in exchange for rice. In the barn with the cow, I was blessed with a few rare moments of warmth and companionship in the midst of fighting and killing.
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